Soon after I got my bags, I went outside to find the driver who was going to come pick me up. First, I could not find him. By the way, I felt like a celebrity walking out and so many people holding name cards. I then saw this tall, handsome guy. Our eyes met, he gave me this warm smile like he knew it was me he came to receive, and boom, my first Italian guy crush! :) He spoke very little English, and I felt like a little girl eager to make him talk to me. His name was Yuri.
He dropped me to my hotel. Crystal Hotel is this tiny Best Western Hotel located in downtown Varese. It was probably 7pm when I reached the hotel. The room was tiny but cute. I freshened up and went to this restaurant called Orchidia where I ate my first Italian pizza.
It was a very different experience for me to sit in a restaurant in a different country, all by myself. Everyone around me spoke in Italian. Varese is a very small town and people can easily figure out if you are an outsider. Well ofcourse and I don't look Italian also! After a glass of vino bianco, and a huge pizza (which is not cut for you like in the US, and served as a whole), I had yummy chocolate dulce. That day I learned that it is ok to enjoy a nice meal by yourself. I remember feeling sad everytime I had to eat lunch by myself in the university, but this time felt different. I felt sad and strong at the same time. I never imagined that I would be alone in Italy, but then I never imagined I would have the strength to be alone in Italy.
The next day I went to our office in Comerio. It was awesome. The view was breathtaking. Work was busy. Met a lot of new people. It is a very different feeling to work in a place where most people are talking in a language that you cannot understand. However, I learned to get over that. I could see how a lot of people would consider that rude and shut themselves down. But, I realized that we do the same back in India. I made more effort to interact with my co-workers. I made sure that I talked slowly so they could understand me and I learned to be patient as it took them more time to make a sentence in English. Some of my co-workers even told me that they liked talking to me coz they could understand me better and that I did not make them feel uncomfortable. It felt good. I made a lot of good relationships.
My week continued with work and good food. The second week I was there, one of the directors from US was also visiting Comerio for another project . He had lived there as an Expat for 2 years and he knew the town inside out. The day before he was leaving, he took me to Laveno for dinner and there it was: Lago Maggiore (Lake Maggiore is a magical glacial lake anchoring the mountains which step up into the Italian Alps)
We reached there right during sunset. I cried when I saw that view. It was the most breathtaking view I have ever seen in my life. I was grateful to God to give me this opportunity. The last two years of my life were very difficult. Your first heart break is the most difficult, coz you think it is the end of the world. But when you see something so magnificent, you realize how much there is to life than crying over someone who will never make you feel like what I felt when I saw this sunset.
That is when I realized a lot about my past and a lot about myself and a lot about what I want in the future. I realized I want to be with someone who will make me feel like what I felt when I saw this sunset.....
So I recently got a chance to go to Europe, partly for work and partly for pleasure. I was in Italy for two weeks and then went to Spain and France. This trip symbolized and meant a lot to me. After having my heart broken recently, I needed this. I needed to go away to a place I have never been to and meet people from all over the world.
Lets start from my flight experience. I will tell this to the world. NEVER FLY DELTA. DELTA= Does Not Ever Leave The Airport. My flight from Chicago to NYC was delayed and I thought I would miss my flight to Milan. I did manage to catch my flight, only to realize that due to 1. Technical issues 2. Weather issues 3. Engine issues, the flight got canceled. Delta was so poorly managed. I finally got a hotel room at 1 in the morning. My flight was rescheduled for the next day. The flight AGAIN got canceled due to engine issues. They then rescheduled it from 6pm to 10pm. Suddenly at 10pm they realized that they did not have the crew. They then called out every passenger's name (200 passengers) to give them food coupons when all the restaurants on the airport were closed. Finally at 3 am they found another crew and our flight took off. On my way to Milan, I was sitting next to this really nice guy who was Italian and works as a music professor in Arizona State University. He made me listen to some very cool classical music (as I have no knowledge about it). He was going to Milan to perform in a concert and he made me listen to the piece he was going to play. It was awesome!
I finally reach Milan. I had a HUGE smile on my face and could not believe I was in ITALY! Never had I imagined I would get such an opportunity. Immigration was a breeze. It was surprising that there was no customs (unlike the rigorous US customs). My bag arrived very quickly, however, it was torn. Did I mention, I HATE DELTA?
I am so proud of my sister. She finally graduated from med school and is the first doctor in the family. I got my year end review yesterday. Got a raise! And got a great bonus! yay! Also, this month I have started my travels for 2010. Started with the trip to New York City. 20th of Feb marked a new chapter in my life. 20th of Jan had always had a sentimental value, but I am ready to let go of it and live life ahead of 20th Feb. I know some of this might make no sense to most people, but these were some of my proud moments of Feb 2010.
Why is it that people who are more expressive are always considered weak? Just coz you express your feelings does not mean you are insecure and needy. It is so annoying when people try to warn you and protect you thinking you might be vulnerable just because you have the guts and confidence of saying what you feel. I think it takes a very confident person to share what they feel with the rest of the world.
I am a very expressive, confident person. I feel great about sharing who I am with the people I know and care about. My life is an open book and yes, I do take the risk of letting people in and letting people talk about me. But I like it that way. Yes, I do get hurt and have got hurt in the past, but now I am better at judging people. Atleast that is what I feel. I know I might get hurt in the future also, but I am strong and I will not change myself and won't not tell the people I care about what I feel about them. Life is too short and too unpredictable to not express yourself.
What is it about dancing that I am so passionate about it? I think my mind relaxes when I dance. It almost feels like meditation when there are no particular thoughts in my mind and I am only swaying to the beats of the music.
I was in 3rd grade when my parents wanted me to join a hobby/ activity class. My dad wanted me to join karate while my mom wanted me to join a dancing class. Both these classes were conducted in an "Academy" per say. I remember coming back from school around 4 in the afternoon and mom took me to this academy. My best friend at that time had just joined Manipuri dancing that was taught by "Jhaveri Sisters" in the Academy. http://www.darshanajhaveri.com/manipuridance.html
I remember peeping through doors and watching girls my age (2nd, 3rd grade) learn Karate, Kathak, Bharatnatyam, etc in the Academy. But since my best friend was learning Manipuri, I wanted to learn Manipuri.
For those who are not aware, these dance forms (Manipuri, Bharata-natyam, Kathak, Kathakali, Kuchipudi, and Orissi) are classical Indian dance forms based on the different regions in India and have been passed down through generations.
Manipuri dance form originated in the eastern state of Manipur. Manipuri dance is purely religious and its aim is a spiritual experience. Development of music and dance has through religious festivals and daily activities of the Manipuri people and is based on Lord Krishna and Radha's stories. Not only is dance a medium of worship and enjoyment, a door to the divine, but indispensable for all socio-cultural ceremonies. From the religious point of view and from the artistic angle of vision, Manipuri Classical Form of dance is claimed to be one on the most chestiest, modest, softest and mildest but the most meaningful dances of the world.
The most obliging aspect of Manipuri culture is that, it has retained the ancient ritual based dances and folk dances along with the later developed classical Manipuri dance style. Video: http://www.darshanajhaveri.com/video.html
I learned this dance form for 10 years while growing up and even received a national scholarship from the Indian Government. Around 12th grade, studying for competitive exams became more important than spending 2 hours a week on dancing. Thus I stopped going to class which I highly regret today. I owe my graceful dancing, my ability to learn any dance quickly, the discipline, passion and my love for dancing to my class. I remember summer vacation, it was mandatory for all the girls in the class to join a 3 week workshop where we danced from 7 am to 11 am every day and at the end of the workshop, we gave a performance in front of our families. I so hated going to these workshops as it was grueling. It was not just dancing, but 2 hours of rigourous execrcise before we actually started our dance. I was in best best shape while growing up. We also had a TV performance when we performed on Doordarshan, our national TV channel. (BTW: In the video, the girl on the extreme right was my best friend when I was in 3rd grade and she has continued to pursue this.)
Coming back to the present, I have realized, the one passion that I have after traveling ofcourse and eating ofcourse :) is dancing. I can learn and pick up steps so easily when I am doing salsa or tango. I have always loved aerobic dancing. I not only performed but also choreographed two dance sequences while I was at Purdue.
Dancing is always going to be a part of me. Whether I go back to learning the Indian classical version or the more western dance forms such as ball room dancing or salsa, or whether I perform on stage in an Indian gathering, or I dance at a friend's or cousin's wedding, or I go clubbing or just put on music when I am at home and jump around in my living room. I feel elated, light headed, worry -less, sexy, sensuous, calm, graceful, all at the same time.
I am no writer. I would not even know where to start and I think that is the problem. Where should I start? What should I write about or blog about. My problem is that I am the happy-go-lucky types. I don't form opinions on a lot of things very easily. While reading a book or watching a movie or a show I don't really think about why am I actually watching this? Why do I enjoy the drama/ comedy/ reality? I never thought about this and maybe that is why I never formed an opinion. My attitude towards it would be "it is nice, I am liking it" but I never dwelled further on do I like because maybe the character is more like me or someone I aspire to be?
I was sitting in the cafeteria with my colleague who has a double major in computer science and English. I was telling him about how I want to blog/ write a journal, but would never know what to write. I feel that I would be bored writing just about what happened each day. I want to write something that is not so mundane. That's when he asked me to write about my views/ opinions on various things in life. I then realized "that is my problem". I do not really have any perspective of my own. I enjoy life as it comes without taking a moment to think about why I enjoy it.
Tangenting off to a different topic that will answer the question " why don't i ask 'why' ?". So the organization that I work for conducted a behavior test for the "out of college" employees. It was called the DISC test where D stands for people with Dominance, I stands for people with Influence, S stands for people with Steadiness and C stands for people with Conscientiousness. Each of these behaviors are very different of course and they are most likely to look for answers to different questions. A caveat to this however is that this was conducted for behavior at work. So, the D folks are more likely to ask "what is it about". I folks will probably be more interested in "who is it with". S folks will want to know "how is it done" and C folks are the ones who want to know "why is it done". I will probably go into this study in more detail in my next post.
So coming back to the topic, I very much fall in the "Influence" category and I realized that all my life I have always wanted to be around people enjoying life with the "who's who" rather than asking "what am i doing, why am i doing it and how am i going to do it". I thought those questions would be answered easily when I am with the right people.
So what I am trying to say is that one of the reasons for me to never ask those questions and form an opinion is my nature.
The other very likely reason is the way I was brought up. Being brought up in a joint family, with my grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, I was never supposed to ask a lot of questions. I was suppose to do my work which was of course studying and other things that kids do. But I was never supposed to ask my dad where is he going or why are we going there and not somewhere else. It meant respect and trusting the elders in making those choices for you. However, it has affected the adult me as I yet avoid asking those questions and don't have "my" view on things. I realized so many of my opinions were formed by my family and friends.
However, living by myself in the US and meeting a variety of people and going through so many new experiences has made me pause in my fast moving life. I now want to ask all those questions and discover a new me and a new world. Thus starts blogging.
i was walking down the streets of loneliness
it was dark all around with so much darkness
my head confused with a lot of complex thoughts
about life...about happiness
i was walking down the streets of loneliness
when i saw a smile far ahead
he gave me his hand and held mine tight
not knowing what was right
yet wanting him to know my plight
my head yet confused with a lot of complex thoughts
about life..about his friendliness
i was walking down the streets of loneliness
feeling a little less lonely this time
trust didnt come so fast
yet hoped this friendship would last
with him so close to me
whenever i needed him to be
listening to me day and night
kissing away my tears till they dried
my head a little less confused this time
about life..about him being my lifeline
i was walking down the streets this time
not lonely... not sad..but with fresh thoughts in mind
darkness disappeared when he was around
my face lit up in leaps and bounds
now trust came so easily to me
as i knew he would forever love me
my head not confused at all this time
life felt good as now i became his lifeline
no more was i walking down the streets of loneliness
he was always there as my reason for happiness
he has been the breeze under my wings
raising me to heights i could never even dream
my head now full of wonderful thoughts
about life..about love..about happiness..
The next day I went to our office in Comerio. It was awesome. The view was breathtaking. Work was busy. Met a lot of new people. It is a very different feeling to work in a place where most people are talking in a language that you cannot understand. However, I learned to get over that. I could see how a lot of people would consider that rude and shut themselves down. But, I realized that we do the same back in India. I made more effort to interact with my co-workers. I made sure that I talked slowly so they could understand me and I learned to be patient as it took them more time to make a sentence in English. Some of my co-workers even told me that they liked talking to me coz they could understand me better and that I did not make them feel uncomfortable. It felt good. I made a lot of good relationships.
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